everyday is weird i dont know how pin point it. nothing can really flow smoothly. so many conflicting things. too many thoughts. but right now all i want is just to be comforted. i just want to say something to a friend or someone but its too hard
but at least i can just write it down in here

i would have been ok staying home all day but my hand is still fucked up and im pissed
i know i should rest but i want to draw
art is my identity.. i hate art to fucking bits like wtf
also i dont want to know the future i really dont i dont care if its good i just dont want to know? its just so hard growing up
i understand money doesn't (the majority of the time) bring happiness, but i feel if i dont have some success and at least like good payment my life is fucking over and i failed at life i dont know what i want to do be though. i'll focus more findin a fitting career... cuz otherwise if i do some other shit im going to fucking die
i dont know what i want to be or who i want to be its just so hard to do shit with me like im not even that smart. and i envy others because everything seems to be good in the future but yeah i know things might not go as planned in their life
but still, what have i done good enough to have a good future?
ive been thinking about being a cartoonist... but uh does that dream seem far fetched?
that would be fun but god with these fucking tiny wrists stuPID FUCKING HAND IM GOING TO FUCKING DIE ALL BECAUSE I WASTED THEM. even my left kinda fucking hurts but ok

where the hell do i begin with anything
i dont know
why does my body hate me
please stop killing me
i just want to do what i want to do
if this gets worse ill chop my hands off and i hope i take the biggest L
ok but i could actually yell and cry to someone im just drained
do i just ignore it idk can i just ignore how i feel for once
im tired of the same old feeling and the resistanceto do anything
i dont want to be a bother nor be bothered by this anymore
what a stupid fucking thing
im sick of it